Now my friend Ralph, he's imaginary, you'll find him living in my head.He's with me every single morning, throughout the day 'til time for bed.He never causes any trouble. He doesn't cause a fuss at all.He shares my times of love and anguish; he's company on the odd pub crawl.
He doesn't make me wear funny clothing or dress in black on sunny days,Or force me to marry a total stranger with ne'er a thought for what she weighs.I can eat pork pies on any Friday, or pancakes on the Mayday morn.But I don't chop off pieces of my progeny's privates just after they were newly born.
Ralph wouldn't countenance bombing busses or suicide on a hijacked plane.He wouldn't suggest that you'd get the sack for wearing a golden cross and chain.If I need a quick blood transfusion he'd let it go without a careHe'd have no thoughts for stealing schoolgirls to sell them in the market square.
Now when my Earthly days are over, now when they lay me in my grave.I'll leave to you a precious treasure, a piece of Ralph for you to save.He'll help you relate all my stories, all my sonnets, all my songs.He'll guide you along life's rocky pathway, help you choose between right and wrong